Domestic Abuse/Domestic Violence

About Abuse & Violence
As many as 4 million people in this country suffer some kind of violence at the hands of their spouses, parents or significant partners each year. Very few will tell anyone - a friend, a relative, a neighbor, or the police. Victims of domestic violence come from all walks of life, all cultures, all income groups, all ages, and all religions. They share feelings of helplessness, isolation, guilt, fear, and shame.

Are You Abused?
Does the person you love...
  • Anger easily when drinking or using other drugs?
  • Constantly accuse you of being unfaithful?
  • Control all finances and force you to account in detail for what you spend?
  • Criticize you for little things?
  • Destroy personal property or sentimental items?
  • Discourage your relationships with family and friends?
  • Force you to have sex against your will?
  • Hit, punch, slap, kick, or bite you or the children?
  • Humiliate you in front of others?
  • Keep track of all of your time?
  • Prevent you from working or attending school?
  • Threaten to hurt you or the children?
  • Use or threaten to use a weapon against you?
If you find yourself saying yes to any of these, it's time to get help.

Don't Ignore the Problem
Talk to someone. Part of the abuser's power comes from secrecy. Victims are often ashamed to let anyone know about intimate family problems. Go to a friend or neighbor, or call a domestic violence hotline to talk to a counselor.

Plan ahead and know what you will do if you're attacked again. If you decide to leave, choose a place to go; set aside some money. Put important papers - marriage license, birth certificates, and checkbooks - in a place where you can get to them quickly. Learn to think independently. Try to plan for the future and set goals for yourself.

If You Are Hurt, What Can You Do?
There are no easy answers, but there are things you can do to protect yourself. Call the police or sheriff. Assault, even by family members, is a crime. The police have information about shelters and other agencies that help victims of domestic violence.

Leave, or have someone come and stay with you. Go to a shelter for victims of domestic violence and abuse, call a crisis hotline in your community or a health center to locate a shelter. If you believe that you, and your children, are in danger, leave immediately.

Get medical attention from your doctor or a hospital emergency room. Ask the staff to photograph your injuries and keep detailed records in case you decide to take legal action.

Contact your family court for information about a civil protection order that does not involve criminal charges or penalties.

Have You Hurt Someone in Your Family?
  • Accept the fact that your violent behavior will destroy your family.
  • Be aware that you break the law when you physically hurt someone.
  • Take responsibility for your actions and get help.
  • When you feel tension building, get away. Work off the angry energy through a walk, a project, a sport.
  • Call a domestic violence hotline or health center and ask about counseling and support groups for people who batter.
The High Costs of Domestic Violence
  • Men and women who follow their parents' example and use violence to solve conflicts are teaching the same destructive behavior to their children.
  • Jobs can be lost or careers stalled because of injuries, arrests, or harassment.
  • Violence may even result in death.
Additional Resources
For more information contact one of the following organizations:
  • Domestic Violence Hotline
    Phone: 800-799-SAFE
    This nationwide toll-free hotline will provide immediate crisis intervention, counseling and referrals to emergency shelters and services.
  • Family Violence Prevention Fund
    383 Rhode Island Street
    Suite 304
    San Francisco, CA 94103-5133
    Phone: 415-252-8900
  • National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
    Phone: 800-537-2238